The Loneliness of Being the Glitch

There’s something liberating about subconsciously knowing this isn’t my first time on Earth.

It feels like God looked at me and said, “Run it back. You’ve got more to do.”

That knowing gives me a strange peace, like I wasn’t dropped here randomly, like there’s a reason I move the way I move, see what I see, feel what I feel. It’s comforting to believe I was sent back not just to get some of my own shit right, but to act as a catalyst in this specific timeline. To disrupt. To expose. To whistleblow in ways that don’t always look loud, but are unavoidable.

I notice things in people before they’re ready to see themselves.

I hear what isn’t being said.

I feel the undercurrent beneath conversations, behaviors, relationships.

It’s not a flex. It’s frequency.

And that’s where the drain comes in.

Operating on a different frequency sounds cool until you’re surrounded by people who only live on the surface. Small talk feels like static. Performative depth feels… insulting. Most people aren’t trying to descend inward. They’re trying to stay comfortable, distracted, and affirmed.

I don’t do surface level. I can’t.

And that makes me lonely in a room full of people.

Being the glitch in this matrix means I don’t blend in the way I’m “supposed” to. I interrupt patterns just by existing. I provoke growth without meaning to. I mirror things back that make people uncomfortable, not because I’m cruel, but because I’m honest.

And honesty at this depth is exhausting. 

Some days it feels like I’m constantly translating myself into a language the world doesn’t care to learn. Other days it feels like I’m carrying awareness without enough places to set it down. The cost of seeing clearly is feeling everything, and rarely feeling fully seen.

Still, I believe there’s purpose in the fatigue.

Maybe the draining part isn’t a flaw, but evidence that I’m doing what I was sent here to do. Maybe this loneliness is simply the echo of walking ahead of the crowd. And maybe being the glitch was never meant to be comfortable. Just… well… necessary.