Teach Me the Game, Ghost!: Breaking Generational Patterns and Finding My Own Light

There’s a tattoo on the back of my right leg. I’m right-handed, and there’s meaning in the tattoos that mark the right side of my body. Expressions of who I am, etched into my temple. But this one, this rose inside a light bulb, is the largest piece of art inked into my skin. I like to think I don’t just wear this tattoo cosmetically, but cosmically. Like this tattoo, I embody strength wrapped in something delicate.

My roots run deep, steady as the stem that traces my leg, unyielding against the winds of life. The rose blooms within me. My softness is there too, beautiful but guarded, enclosed in glass. Breakable, maybe, but not easily touched. My light glows from within, warm and inviting, but not for just anyone. To reach the petals, to feel the softness beneath the shield, you must be gentle. You must be worthy.

My dad’s words echo in my mind. ‘I wish I would’ve taught Terran the game.’ As if I’m missing something. As if there’s a strategy I should have learned, a way to move through life that I somehow never picked up. His words sit heavy, making me wonder if I lack something, if I don’t quite measure up.

Even the men around me, colleagues and platonic friends, say the same thing. ‘I’mma have to teach you the game.’ As if there’s a lesson I need, a script I should be following. But the game they speak of isn’t one I’m interested in playing. Their logic, their type, it doesn’t align with the depth I crave. I move differently. Quiet and observant, a true player never reveals everything they know. I don’t feel the need to show all my cards or play by anyone else’s rules. I watch, I listen, and I wait for the right moments. That’s how I move through life: slow, steady, with intention. The right people will catch on.

I’ve spent years navigating this contradiction. Being too much of one thing, not enough of another. However, I strongly believe that when I step into the right energy, when I trust in my own light, I attract those who don’t try to change me. The ones who see both the strength and the softness. The ones who understand that the rose isn’t something to be picked. It’s something to be honored.

I was raised primarily by my father, so I carry a lot of masculine energy. This is also why his words stick so heavily. I know his intention comes from a place of love. He doesn’t want to see me lack or hurt in intimacy. He wants me to succeed, to avoid the pain he’s seen others endure. However, I’m self-aware enough to know that he is a man, and I am a woman. I don’t need to be the one playing the game. Queens sit on their throne and allow things and people to come to them. I’m not moving in ‘pick me’ energy.

Being in pick me energy is simply energetically waving your hand desperately in hopes of getting the recognition you desire. We see this more often within romantic relationships. However, to truly embody the god or goddess within yourself, you have to acknowledge when you’re doing this in other areas of your life.

I believe my father isn’t only referring to my intimate relationships when he speaks on ‘the game.’ He’s talking about life itself. Observation taught me a lot growing up, but I learned even more by moving to one of the largest cities in the country at nineteen. My father and I have had a rocky relationship, and leaving the nest while we weren’t on the best of terms forced me to trust myself in ways I never had before.

At twenty-five, I know that trusting yourself is truly trusting the God and Holy Spirit that dwell within. That little voice inside isn’t just intuition. It is divine guidance. Trusting it goes hand in hand with having faith that God is always ordering my steps. And when you are in alignment with yourself, when you truly trust your own light, you begin to attract the right people, places, and circumstances effortlessly, like my light bulb tattoo. The glow comes from within, but the glass around it serves as a barrier. Not just anyone gets to touch the light. Only those who move with care, with intention, get close enough to feel its warmth.

Energy is currency. What you put out into the world, confidence, self-respect, clarity of values, is exactly what you get back. The times I doubted myself, I found myself surrounded by people who also doubted me. When I played small, I attracted situations that kept me feeling small. But when I embraced my strength, my beauty, and my depth, I started to call in people who saw me fully.

The right partner, the right friendships, the right opportunities do not come from chasing, proving, or convincing. They come from alignment. The people meant for you will be drawn to both your light and your shadows, your mind and your body, your strength and your softness. I have learned that I do not have to perform to be seen, and I do not have to play a game to win. I just have to be.

The older I get and the more I align myself with the qualities I wish to attract, the more free I feel. Surrender is a big step but it is so liberating. 

As you move through life, remember these affirmations to guide you back to your true self:

• I trust my inner voice, knowing it is divine guidance leading me toward my purpose.
• I am worthy of love, respect, and all the blessings life has to offer.
• I embrace my strength and my softness, knowing they both make me whole.
• I do not need to chase or prove my worth. I am already enough, and those meant for me will see me fully.
• I release the need to ‘play the game’ and embrace the alignment of my authentic self.
• Every day, I honor my energy, knowing it is sacred and powerful.
• I trust that the right people, places, and opportunities are naturally drawn to me.
• I am not a ‘pick me’ because I choose myself first, always.
• With each step I take, I grow in trust, confidence, and alignment with my true essence.

Repeat these affirmations daily, and take small actions that reinforce your trust in yourself. And I’m reciting them right along with you! Whether that’s saying no when something doesn’t feel right, or honoring your boundaries with love. Remember, you have everything within you to attract the life and people you deserve.

Xoxo, 

Marshay